I was wrong when I went to see a band at Staines town hall, climbed onto the roof and tried to convince passers-by that the mayor had kidnapped me.
I was wrong when I thought that gyrating your hips in a fashion that caused your penis to collide with your belly was how you had sex. When I first played Ruse, my reaction was frosty. And the biggest visual clue: fully zoomed out, the world transforms into a tabletop boardgame war. Fact- furring deceptions can be smacked down like playing cards. Zoom out, and you see that its heart is more in the world of boardgames and tabletop warfare. Zoom in, and you’ve got an RTS with a little too much distance between the units. There’s enough to keep your brain swilling around in its think juices for an evening, even if you will spend half of it cursing our barbarian MS-DOS-wielding forebears for their tough-to-guess keyboard shortcuts. So, historians will enjoy fiddling around with Populous, and you might want to pay homage to the old gods yourself. A relic from the times when prophets like Molyneux found their feet, and chip wizards like Hull-born Rob Hubbard probably didn’t realise they’d be quietly worshipped 22 years later. Populous may have created a genre, but its interest today is strictly as a relic. Temporarily unflattening my land, causing castles to downgrade, and spit out a new settler. Drowning enemy knights and villagers as soon as they got close to my villages. Turns out I wasn’t-people use the same cheap tricks I did. But something conscientious inside me, something I thought long dead, decided to read strategy guides, to see if I was missing anything.
It’s easy and makes you feel big, that’s why it’s the go-to reaction for inadequate pricks like myself.
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